Sunday, June 11, 2017
The Tonys
OMG I am so excited! The Tonys were great! Congratulations to all the winners, most especially Bette Midler and Ben Platt!
Thursday, June 1, 2017
How Trump Gets Wicked by "Defying Logic"
As promised, my Donald Trump adaptation of "Defying Gravity" titled "Defying Logic"...
Trump: Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of America's game. Too late for second guessing. My background doesn't matter at all. It's time to trust my instincts. It's time to build the wall. It's time to try defying logic. I think I'll try defying logic and you can't stop me now.
Kellyanne: Can't we make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur?
Trump: I'm through accepting limits cause people say they're so. Some things you may not hear but til I tweet you'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost. I'd sooner buy defying logic. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying logic and you can't stop me now.
Secret Service: Open this door! In the name of the millennials and women and Rosie!
(Trump whips out phone and gets on Twitter)
Kellyanne: No, wait! Stop! That's what started this mess in the first place, that horrible Twitter account! Stop! Well, where's the wall? Maybe you're not as powerful as you think you are.
(All of a sudden, random allies start appearing out of nowhere, including Putin, who steps forward)
Trump: I told you Kellyanne. Didn't I tell you?
Secret Service: Bash it in! Fetch the Trump Battering Ram!
(Trump grabs a nearby broom and holds it out to Kellyanne and Putin)
Trump: Quick! Get on!
Kellyanne: What!
Trump: Come with me. Think of what we could do, together. Unlimited, together we're unlimited. Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been. Putin. Dreams the way we planned them.
Putin: If you and Kellyanne and I work in a threesome.
All: There's no fight we cannot win! Just you and I defying logic. With you and I defying logic.
Trump: They'll never stop us now. Well, are you two coming?
Kellyanne: But your hair, it will get ruined. (She sees a witch hat) Here, put this on top of it. I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this.
Trump: You too. I hope it brings you bliss.
All: I really hope you get it and you don't live to regret it. I hope you're happy in the end. I hope you're happy my friend.
(The Secret Service storm the attic and capture Kellyanne and Putin)
Kellyanne: Oh no, leave us alone, do you hear, let go of us!
Trump: It's not them! They had nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want! It's me! It's me!
(Trump rises dramatically into the air)
So if you care to find me, look to the house of white. As someone told me lately, everyone deserves an Air Force One flight! And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me. Take a message back from me! Tell them how I am defying logic. I'm flying high defying logic and soon I'll match them in renown. And nobody in all DC, don't Clinton that there is or will be is ever gonna bring me down! Bring me down! Wall!
Trump: Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of America's game. Too late for second guessing. My background doesn't matter at all. It's time to trust my instincts. It's time to build the wall. It's time to try defying logic. I think I'll try defying logic and you can't stop me now.
Kellyanne: Can't we make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur?
Trump: I'm through accepting limits cause people say they're so. Some things you may not hear but til I tweet you'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost. I'd sooner buy defying logic. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying logic and you can't stop me now.
Secret Service: Open this door! In the name of the millennials and women and Rosie!
(Trump whips out phone and gets on Twitter)
Kellyanne: No, wait! Stop! That's what started this mess in the first place, that horrible Twitter account! Stop! Well, where's the wall? Maybe you're not as powerful as you think you are.
(All of a sudden, random allies start appearing out of nowhere, including Putin, who steps forward)
Trump: I told you Kellyanne. Didn't I tell you?
Secret Service: Bash it in! Fetch the Trump Battering Ram!
(Trump grabs a nearby broom and holds it out to Kellyanne and Putin)
Trump: Quick! Get on!
Kellyanne: What!
Trump: Come with me. Think of what we could do, together. Unlimited, together we're unlimited. Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been. Putin. Dreams the way we planned them.
Putin: If you and Kellyanne and I work in a threesome.
All: There's no fight we cannot win! Just you and I defying logic. With you and I defying logic.
Trump: They'll never stop us now. Well, are you two coming?
Kellyanne: But your hair, it will get ruined. (She sees a witch hat) Here, put this on top of it. I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this.
Trump: You too. I hope it brings you bliss.
All: I really hope you get it and you don't live to regret it. I hope you're happy in the end. I hope you're happy my friend.
(The Secret Service storm the attic and capture Kellyanne and Putin)
Kellyanne: Oh no, leave us alone, do you hear, let go of us!
Trump: It's not them! They had nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want! It's me! It's me!
(Trump rises dramatically into the air)
So if you care to find me, look to the house of white. As someone told me lately, everyone deserves an Air Force One flight! And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me. Take a message back from me! Tell them how I am defying logic. I'm flying high defying logic and soon I'll match them in renown. And nobody in all DC, don't Clinton that there is or will be is ever gonna bring me down! Bring me down! Wall!
The Bachelorette and Musical Theatre
You may be asking, how could The Bachelorette and musical theatre be related? Well, they are. They are because I was able to adapt some musical lyrics in order to help one of the contestants better his chances with Rachel. This contestant is known as "the wha-boom guy" but his real name is Lucas. For the purposes of my song, he will be referred to as "wha-boom guy". The song is called "Wha-Boom". Any musical theatre fan will know right away what show I adapted from.
Whenever I see a nerd who's on The Bachelorette, and let's face it, wha-boom guy, you're on The Bachelorette, my tender heart tends to start to bleed, and when some nerd needs a makeover, I simply have to take over. You know I know exactly what you need. Can you see it on my face? Yours is the toughest case I've yet to face, but don't worry, the wha-boom is no more. It's out the door. Don't say it. What for? You will be popular. You're gonna be popular. I'll teach you the proper twirls when you talk to girls, little ways to flirt and flounce. I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix that hair, everything that really counts to be popular. I'll help you be popular. You'll hang with the right cohorts. You'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know, so let's start cause you've got an awfully long way...to go. Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis. Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser, there's nobody wiser, not when it comes to popular. I know about popular, and with an assist from me to be who you'll be instead of wha-boom who you were, well, are. There's nothing that can stop you from becoming populer-lar. La la la la, we're gonna make you pop-u-lar. When I see depressing bachelors with such unbecoming features, I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated Bachelor peeps like Trista, Ryan, Jason and Molly. Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh. Don't. They were popular. Please. It's all about popular. It's not about aptitude. It's the way you're viewed so it's very shrewd to be very very popular like me. And though you protest your wha-boomingness, I know clandestinely, you're gonna grin and bear it, your Bachelor popularity. La la la la. You'll be popular, just not quite as popular as me!
Now that that's off my chest (for now, I have one about Donald Trump too. It's called "Defying Logic" (sensing a theme here), I would also like to tell you that, if you want to see some good theatre, and some adorable children at the same time, then come check out Peter Pan this Saturday, June 3, 7:00 P.M. at the Schulman Auditorium at Dove Library on Dove Lane in Carlsbad, CA. I'll be there ushering...
Whenever I see a nerd who's on The Bachelorette, and let's face it, wha-boom guy, you're on The Bachelorette, my tender heart tends to start to bleed, and when some nerd needs a makeover, I simply have to take over. You know I know exactly what you need. Can you see it on my face? Yours is the toughest case I've yet to face, but don't worry, the wha-boom is no more. It's out the door. Don't say it. What for? You will be popular. You're gonna be popular. I'll teach you the proper twirls when you talk to girls, little ways to flirt and flounce. I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix that hair, everything that really counts to be popular. I'll help you be popular. You'll hang with the right cohorts. You'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know, so let's start cause you've got an awfully long way...to go. Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis. Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser, there's nobody wiser, not when it comes to popular. I know about popular, and with an assist from me to be who you'll be instead of wha-boom who you were, well, are. There's nothing that can stop you from becoming populer-lar. La la la la, we're gonna make you pop-u-lar. When I see depressing bachelors with such unbecoming features, I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated Bachelor peeps like Trista, Ryan, Jason and Molly. Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh. Don't. They were popular. Please. It's all about popular. It's not about aptitude. It's the way you're viewed so it's very shrewd to be very very popular like me. And though you protest your wha-boomingness, I know clandestinely, you're gonna grin and bear it, your Bachelor popularity. La la la la. You'll be popular, just not quite as popular as me!
Now that that's off my chest (for now, I have one about Donald Trump too. It's called "Defying Logic" (sensing a theme here), I would also like to tell you that, if you want to see some good theatre, and some adorable children at the same time, then come check out Peter Pan this Saturday, June 3, 7:00 P.M. at the Schulman Auditorium at Dove Library on Dove Lane in Carlsbad, CA. I'll be there ushering...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)