The Bachelorette and Musical Theatre

You may be asking, how could The Bachelorette and musical theatre be related? Well, they are. They are because I was able to adapt some musical lyrics in order to help one of the contestants better his chances with Rachel. This contestant is known as "the wha-boom guy" but his real name is Lucas. For the purposes of my song, he will be referred to as "wha-boom guy". The song is called "Wha-Boom". Any musical theatre fan will know right away what show I adapted from.

Whenever I see a nerd who's on The Bachelorette, and let's face it, wha-boom guy, you're on The Bachelorette, my tender heart tends to start to bleed, and when some nerd needs a makeover, I simply have to take over. You know I know exactly what you need. Can you see it on my face? Yours is the toughest case I've yet to face, but don't worry, the wha-boom is no more. It's out the door. Don't say it. What for? You will be popular. You're gonna be popular. I'll teach you the proper twirls when you talk to girls, little ways to flirt and flounce. I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix that hair, everything that really counts to be popular. I'll help you be popular. You'll hang with the right cohorts. You'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know, so let's start cause you've got an awfully long way...to go. Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis. Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser, there's nobody wiser, not when it comes to popular. I know about popular, and with an assist from me to be who you'll be instead of wha-boom who you were, well, are. There's nothing that can stop you from becoming populer-lar. La la la la, we're gonna make you pop-u-lar. When I see depressing bachelors with such unbecoming features, I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated Bachelor peeps like Trista, Ryan, Jason and Molly. Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh. Don't. They were popular. Please. It's all about popular. It's not about aptitude. It's the way you're viewed so it's very shrewd to be very very popular like me. And though you protest your wha-boomingness, I know clandestinely, you're gonna grin and bear it, your Bachelor popularity. La la la la. You'll be popular, just not quite as popular as me!

Now that that's off my chest (for now, I have one about Donald Trump too. It's called "Defying Logic" (sensing a theme here), I would also like to tell you that, if you want to see some good theatre, and some adorable children at the same time, then come check out Peter Pan this Saturday, June 3, 7:00 P.M. at the Schulman Auditorium at Dove Library on Dove Lane in Carlsbad, CA. I'll be there ushering...